Jeremy’s Flag

Jeremy accompanying Elizabeth home after Shabbat dinner.

Nobody could quite understand why the legal eagle of the Blau family, even though her last name for Richman and not Blau, Elizabeth, did not show up for the highlight of the week’s festivities, Shabbat dinner.

The family was concerned because she had never missed Shabbat dinner in all her adult years. Even when she was away at law school at North Carolina State, she always managed to fly back just in time for dinner.

“Did something happen?” asked George of his first cousin Jeremy, “between you and her when you walked her home three Shabbats ago?”

“No,” Jeremy assured everyone. He was on his best behaviour, but nobody knowing Jeremy very well, accepted his denial. George asked his wife Sybil if she had reached out to Elizabeth and she said she had several times with the same result, no answer.

“I’ve left numerous messages on her answering machine, but she never calls me back.”

“Has anyone flown over to her law office in Sneads Ferry to see if she’s there?” George asked now getting quite concerned, because he never knew his cousin to miss the nights when they had beef brisket. Everyone around the table shook their heads, after all they had busy lives, and flying out to Sneads Ferry to check on Elizabeth, who took great delight suing anyone she could, wasn’t on the top of their lists. In fact, as noted by Timmy, he quite liked the fact she wasn’t there.

“Made the meat taste different,” he offered.

“Better,” replied Julia, who had slow cooked the brisket over many hours.

“Liquidy,” was Rosa’s response not wanting to be left out.

Jeremy was the only one who didn’t answer the question about going to see if Elizabeth was ok. And so Sybil had a feeling he had.

“And what did she say?” asked Sybil in her typical Jewish mother’s unique manner.

“Say to what?” asked Jeremy who as everyone noticed was having a great deal of difficulty holding things together.

“Uncle,” Rosa said, “did you put your wing up her feathers?”

That brought gasps and words of reprimand from her parents and giggles from Julia and Timmy. “Who taught you to talk like that?” asked Sybil feigning shock and outrage.

“That’s what I heard Uncle Jeremy say once to a girl in synagogue.”

“What do mean?” asked George immediately regretting having asked the question, but it was too late.

“Uncle Jeremy turned to a girl sitting next to him and said, ‘this is boring do you want to go outside and mingle, I would love to put my wing up your feathers!’”

Sybil nearly fell off her chair. George was highly amused and slightly jealous of his cousin. “What chutzpa!” he ended up saying knowing that he wished he had that kind of audacity. After all, Sybil tried to make out with the gym loving vulture from Brooklyn and who knows where that would’ve gone had he been a normal Jew and didn’t believe in Jesus.

Jeremy was noticeably silent. Finally, unable to duck anymore he finally threw his napkin on the table and stood up, “alright, alright, I’ll tell you what happened. I was walking along keeping my distance from Elizabeth when I stubbed my foot on a sand crab and fell forward. As I was losing my balance, I grabbed onto the first thing my wing reached…..”

“And that was?” asked Sybil who had also stood up and characteristically placed her wings on her hips.

“Her foot,” replied Jeremy quietly.

“And then?” asked Sybil.

George all this time was trying to see what it was that Jeremy saw in a middle aged sandpiper, who was very overweight and who dreamt about suing anything that walked. “Have some class!” he said inadvertently which made everyone look at him as if he was a nut case. George reddened. “Oops. I’m sorry I meant can I have a glass.”

“You have one!” snapped Sybil who was getting very annoyed with Jeremy’s behaviour and glared at him. It wasn’t the first time she had heard of her cousin’s antics.

“Well,” continued Jeremy stopping occasionally to take a sip of his ultra sweet wine. “Well Elizabeth fell.”

“Fell?” asked everyone in unison. “Is she ok?”

“Fell on what?” asked Rosa believing her age would insulate her from any rash and exceptional punishment.

“On me,” replied Jeremy quietly.

“Was it fun uncle?” she asked and then Sybil had had enough.

“You, young lady off to bed.” No, she couldn’t go yet there was plenty of brisket left to eat. She pouted and George came to her defence and as always, Rosa remained where she was. However, she understood she could no longer enter the fray and that was fine with her because she had done enough damage.

“I don’t know what happened,” said Jeremy sounding as if he had overstepped the bounds of polite society.

Sybil had the answer. “Have you gone to see her?”

“Yes, I flew over there yesterday,” he replied. He sounded really beaten down.

“And?” asked Sybil.

“She won’t see me.”

“George,” said Sybil, “why don’t you fly over there now and see if you can get her to talk to you and and take Rosa with you.”

“Rosa? Why take Rosa?” asked George, “and can’t it wait until dinner is over. We haven’t had dessert yet.”

“What’s for dessert?” asked Jeremy feeling that the conversation had moved along and he was in the clear. After all, he didn’t remember anything that happened because he had had one too many drinks that evening.

“Treacle pudding,” said Julia, “I found it on the internet.”

“Ooh yuck,” replied Rosa, “that’s sounds disgusting.”

“It does?” Julia was offended, “why would you say that?”

“Isn’t treacle like oysters?”

“I love treacle, I’m staying.” George had found a reason not to go. “I’ll call her tomorrow I promise, and the next Shabbat Elizabeth will be here.”

“How about this Shabbat?” asked Julia pointing to the door.

Everyone’s attention was immediately drawn to the dining room door. “Auntie, Auntie!” shouted Rosa jumping up from her chair. “We were just talking about you, and dad and I were coming to get you for dessert.”

Elizabeth smiled and hugged her niece. “Thanks guys. I’ve just been under the weather the last few weeks, but I’m much better now.”

‘Under Jeremy,’ thought George, ‘is more like it,’ but this time kept his thoughts to himself. Elizabeth walked up to each person around the table and gave them a kiss on the cheek including Jeremy and then she sat down next to him. She helped herself to some brisket and then looked around at everyone.

She cleared her throat and said quite emotionlessly, “contrary to everything you may have thought, I can assure you nothing happened that night.” Jeremy beamed and relaxed. Elizabeth continued, “only because he couldn’t get it up.”

“Get what up,” asked Rosa as Jeremy wished the earth would open up and swallow him.

“Not now Rosa another time. Why don’t you go with Julia and get dessert.”

“But aunty Elizabeth hasn’t finished her dinner yet.” Sybil glared at Rosa. She got up and accompanied Julia into the kitchen, “what couldn’t Uncle Jeremy get up?” she asked when they got to the kitchen.

“His flag,” replied Julia enjoying her motherly role.

“His flag? Uncle Jeremy has a flag?”

With that and not waiting for Julia to get the dessert, 7 year old Rosa ran into the dining room and over to her uncle. She stood there for a moment while the rest of the dining room froze not knowing what was coming next. “Uncle, Julia says you have a flag, can I see it? I love flags!”