Tina and Chris

“I’m going down to the beach darling, are you coming with me?” Tina waited for a few seconds before she followed up with another question. “Darling, where are you? Did you hear what I said?” Still no answer. Tina was about to ask again in a louder voice, when she heard the toilet flush in one of the downstairs bathrooms.

She then waited patiently for Chris to make his appearance in the living room. “Sorry Tina,” said Chris making his way up the stairs to the living room where she was waiting for him. “I didn’t hear…… whoa!” exclaimed Chris stopping on the last step.

Tina looked at him curiously, “whoa what, darling?”

“Are you going to the beach wearing that?” he asked pointing his finger at his wife’s bathing suit.

She naturally looked down and then up again at her husband. “Why, what’s wrong with it?”

“Wrong with it?” asked Chris still rooted to the top step, “there’s nothing wrong with it if you were 21 years old and still a girl. But Tina, you’re in your 60s!”

“And?” asked Tina casually.

“Well, it’s not the bathing suit itself, it’s the colours.”

“I think bright red suits me well with my blonde hair.”

“Red might suit you, but it’s the giant yellow flowers all over it that I don’t think do.”

“What poppy cock!” she replied waving her free arm at him. “Are you coming out or not?” Chris was stumped. He hadn’t seen Tina in a bathing suit like that in many years. “And by the way,” Tina continued now in a slight huff, “I wasn’t a girl anymore when I was 21. I was already an old married lady.”

“Well,” replied Chris trying to backpedal, “you will always be my girl.”

Ever since last Friday when Chris had returned from his breakfast with his friends, Tina had overused the term of endearment, ‘darling.’ It was after she had received a phone call from Stanley’s wife Gina, which had given her shivers up and down her spine and made her heart sink. Gina told her that Chris had overheard her call him a wanker and then proceeded to fill in all the details which would’ve been better off forgotten. Tina had frozen and panicked. She wasn’t sure how Chris would show his displeasure, but the longer she waited, the longer she panicked because Chris had made no mention of it.

There were several times when Tina wanted to either apologise or ask him how she could make atonement, but finally decided that using the word ‘darling’ to its nth degree, might do the trick. So far, her strategy seemed to be working. Another part of her strategy was to wear the bright red one piece bathing suit with giant nondescript yellow flowers all over it. Tina in her mind felt she needed to take control of the conversation going forward and this would do the trick.

“Well suit yourself darling,” and with that she excused herself, walked downstairs and out of the door. The same door she thought had been her protection the other day. Tina walked along the veranda, down the steps and onto the sand. It was a beautifully warm and sunny day. The part of the world they lived in was devoid of tourists. However, there was an occasion where one of the newer members of the community had decided to turn his beachfront property into an Airbnb and nearly had his head removed from his shoulders. So, he reversed his decision quickly.

Tina didn’t look back and walked straight out to where dry sand ended and the wet sand began. She opened her chair, which she had picked up from under the house and plonked herself in it. She then tilted her head backwards and closed her eyes. She began to count slowly. Tina had only got to 35 when she heard Chis’ voice next to her. She smiled. She knew her husband well.

“Do you need your hat?” he asked and she turned her head in the direction of his voice, but kept her eyes closed.

“Why thank you darling,” she replied quietly and reached out her hand. Chris put the hat in her outstretched hand and then opened his chair and sat down with a big sigh. “Aren’t you glad the sun finally decided it was time to warm up this part of the world darling?” she asked, but Chris wasn’t in the mood to chit chat about the weather, which had been beaten to death in every way possible over the last week or so.

Chris closed his eyes completely unaware that Tina knew about his conversation with his friends over breakfast. He was however a little annoyed with Tina for over using the term of endearment and ending nearly every sentence that came out of her mouth with that word. But he hadn’t yet put two and two together. And would he ever? Well, the short answer is he wouldn’t until later on that afternoon when he had gone back to the house to retrieve a large umbrella. As he was struggling with it, he heard the familiar voice of Barry asking if he needed any help. He was glad of the help because he had lost some muscle power over the years. And so, he carried the umbrella itself, while Barry walked next to him carrying the pole.

“Alone?” he asked Barry as he couldn’t see Tina talking to his wife, because his view was blocked by the umbrella itself.

“Hello,” Mabel, Barry’s wife said much to Chris’ surprise and then added, “we’ll leave you two alone,” and indicated to Barry to drop the pole and join her on her endless walk along the beach. All looked suspicious, but Chris didn’t know what to say. He decided to play it safe and kept quiet, but it was beginning to get to him. Tina sensed that and realised she could play this to her advantage and stop saying the ludicrous term of endearment which was not part of her character. But she wasn’t going to say anything until she felt the momentum change. As she closed her eyes again, she allowed a smile to slowly build on her face. A smile that was detected by Chris.

Finally, Chris had to put the ball into play. “What was Mabel talking about?”

“Oh nothing,” she replied keeping her eyes closed.

“I see,” replied Chris. “I guess she mentioned to you that I told my breakfast buddies you called me a wanker.”

“You did?!” she replied sitting up, “no, she didn’t mention anything. And darling, I’m surprised you would that. I’m also surprised you heard me because the door was shut.”

“No, it wasn’t. It banged closed because of the wind, but I was still indoors. Wait a minute,” Chris realised what was happening. “You owe me an apology.”

“For what?” asked Tina now her eyes wide open and her bright red bathing suit with large nondescript yellow flowers about to come alive. “I kept that between you and I. You’re the one who told all your friends. You owe me an apology!”

Chris sat back and closed his eyes. Yes, he had been here before. How many times over their forty odd years of marriage had Tina turned the table on Chris? Plenty!