Kohlrabi and Rabbits
Robert slipped out on to his deck just as the first rays of the new morning sun were a faint glow on the horizon. He sat down on a seemingly cold wrought aluminium chair and put his coffee down on the table. He wasn’t ready just yet to take the first sip and thereby welcome in another day in his life.
He leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes. The morning air was still cool. Cooler than he had either expected or desired, but he thought at least it wasn’t raining as it had the past few mornings. Still with his eyes closed, he felt for around for the handle of his mug and brought it slowly to his lips, and in order not to spill it down the front of his pyjamas he leaned his head forward. It didn’t taste good. Ever since he had switched to a new brand of coffee, his first sip of the morning hadn’t tasted particularly good. He cursed the person who had recommended the blend to him. But then wondered why instead of buying a small quantity just to make sure that his friend was telling the truth, he instead went to one of the big box stores where he splurged on a large case of the stuff. He knew though when the last bit of coffee was used up, he wouldn’t be able to sit on the deck and feel the warmth of a late summer sun, as it would be the dead of winter. He had that much left.
Oh well. He shrugged his shoulders. The sun kept rising and soon he opened his eyes to see the first rays of the sun clear the distant trees and smile at him. He smiled back and raised his mug in its honour.
It was now light enough for Robert to get up from his chair and walk over to the railing so he could examine his vegetable garden. The fencing around the raised beds looked intact. No animal had taken its life in its own hands and attempted to climb over the chicken wire and run amok amongst his cabbage, tomatoes plants and as in the past attack the giant red leaves of the beets which that morning, were swaying easily in the light summer breeze. And ah yes, his kohlrabi plants looked intact as well. Though in the past few days he watched the leaves being devoured by an insect. He had declared war on them and would go down to the garden later in the day to make sure that the neem oil he had covered the leaves with had done its job. It was as a challenge to the many rabbits who seemed to appear in the spring that he grew the vegetable. He could gladly report that this year no robins or rabbits had lost their lives in his garden. The chicken fencing seems to have done its job.
As the sun moved higher and the garden came into more focus, he saw an inquisitive rabbit watching his garden from a close distance and after nonchalantly eating some weeds, it moved closer in all probability to see if it could probe the fencing for some weak spot it could exploit. Robert sipped his coffee and watched with much amusement as the rabbit made a complete circle around his garden and finding nothing, decided to see if it could climb over the fence. That was unexpected. Robert had to at first see if the rabbit could actually do that or not. It was obvious that rabbit was not going to succeed, but the very fact that it had felt completely safe making that manoeuvre disturbed Robert.
He turned quietly back to the table, put his coffee down on and looked around for some ammunition. And yes, he found it in the form of a small earthenware pot filled with soil. Smiling evilly, he picked it up and walked over to the railing. The rabbit hadn’t moved much. Then with the eye and stillness of an expert grenade thrower he lobbed it at the rabbit. Robert watched intently as the pot moved through the air in a giant arc not losing any of its soil and then picking up speed on its descent, hit the rabbit perfectly. The crowds burst into spontaneous applause. The rabbit stunned by the unexpected assault, remained there completely covered by highly enriched potting soil but upon realising what had happened, deferred to its instinct of fight or flight. There was nothing to stand and fight for, so it ran at top speed shedding the potting soil as it entered the neighbour’s yard.
Robert was well pleased by the early morning military exercise in which he routed the enemy with no loss to his side. He turned and walked back to his chair, sat down and picked up his mug of coffee. He leant back closed his eyes and lifted the mug to his lips. The coffee tasted extra disgusting and when he quickly opened his eyes he realised that some of the potting soil had fallen into his mug. So, the rabbit did manage to inflict some damage on the other side.
Robert put the coffee back on the table and pondered his next move. It was obvious he wasn’t going to finish it and instead decided to wait for breakfast when he would brew a nice pot of tea. This time he knew he would like that as the blend had been recommended by his father, and his father had never misled him, as his friend had. In the meantime though, he just satisfied himself with pulling another chair closer, putting his feet up on it and leant back again and closed his eyes allowing the sun to continue warming him. ‘I wonder if it was the sight of the kohlrabi that made the rabbit so adventurous?’ he thought. He wondered if the rabbit could correctly identify the vegetable and that it hadn’t been grown there before. ‘Maybe I should go and pull it out and throw onto the lawn as a peace offering to the rabbit? Nah,’ he continued his thoughts. ‘Those kohlrabi plants cost me money, so why should I allow the rabbits a free meal.’ He let out a quick sharp laugh as he remembered how he lobbed the pot unexpectedly hitting the rabbit with it. ‘I need to practice more often,’ he decided so he could hit rabbits at greater distances.
It would please his daughter who disliked her father taking pot shots with his airgun at rabbits in the past. Yes, he decided that’s what he would do, ‘I’m sure I could become pretty good at it.’ The sun’s warmth was too much for Robert and so he pulled up stumps and walked indoors with the mug sans the coffee and mud mixture. Just as he did, he was greeted by his young daughter who must’ve just woken up to come out on to the deck to sit with her father.
“You didn’t kill any rabbits, dad?” she asked.
“No,” replied Robert, “no but I have a new game I’ll show you later.”
“As long as it doesn’t involve shooting at rabbits.”
“No not at all,” promised Robert. “You’ll love this game. C’mon let’s get some breakfast.”